I LIKE BEING LIKED. BUT WHAT IS IT COSTING ME?

You liked the picture. Then you published it and started checking it out. Who saw her, who reacted, who wrote nothing this time. After a while that same image doesn't look so beautiful anymore. Yet a pixel has not changed.

It happens even without social media. Before you go out, you change because you imagine a comment. During a conversation, check the other person's face to see if you're interesting. You go home and go over a joke again. They think I'm silly?

The desire for pleasure is human. A compliment can do us good, choosing a dress can be fun, the trick can be a creative way to express ourselves. The question arises when the approval becomes a condition to feel good.

A lipstick can be a joy, without having to justify anything

Let's start with one simple thing: you don't have to show depth by giving up what you find beautiful. Loving a color, comb or dress does not automatically say that you are superficial. Even those who choose not to wear makeup are not required to make a moral statement.

The point is how you live that choice. Enjoying yourself? Does he look like you? Can you change it freely? Or do you feel that if you don't appear in a certain way, you don't deserve to be seen?

A single action can have different meanings at different times. Careful preparation for a party can make you feel part of the occasion. Staying home because no photo of your face seems acceptable tells you a struggle that deserves listening, without rebukes.

When the public also enters into private choices

The need for approval is not just about the body. You can decide how you talk about work, what opinions you express, what invitations you accept. You can become very good at guessing what will please you, until you no longer know what answer you would have given without anyone in front of you.

Try looking at a recent situation. Did you say yes because you wanted to be there or because you were afraid to sound rude? Have you kept a disagreement out of respect for the moment or because you couldn't stand the idea that someone might not approve of you?

These are questions to be treated kindly. You don't have to accuse yourself of being false. We may have learned to adapt to be welcomed and need time to find a more free way of being in relationships.

What changes if God's gaze has a real place

In Psalm 139, the person turns to God who knows her intimately. The text puts in words a relationship that crosses places, times and depths of existence. Read in the faith, can open a question different from how I appear today: how do I live the fact of being known by God?

This question does not eliminate the need for human affection. It would not be serious to liquidate a disappointment by saying that God is enough and everything else does not matter. Friendship, love and recognition have a place in life. Faith can help us not to hand over to a single judgment the power to define all our value.

Jesus, in Matthew 6, invites you to watch over doing good to be admired. The context concerns almsgiving, prayer and fasting. The song does not speak of selfies; our reflection approaches it to the search for approval without confusing the two things.

You don't have to like everyone to be respectful.

You can listen to a useful criticism and reject a humiliating comment. You can correct yourself without adopting any other taste. You can say that an observation about your appearance doesn't please you.

Even an affectionate relationship may contain dissent. If you choose a dress that a friend doesn't like, that disagreement doesn't require a crisis. If a person constantly ridicules your body, the problem must be taken more seriously: respect is not a reward to gain by changing appearance.

This distinction helps to choose who to listen to. A reliable person can be honest without reducing you to a flaw. It leaves you room to answer and doesn't use your insecurity to keep you under control.

A small experiment for next week

Choose something you normally decide by imagining the reactions of others: a photo, a proposal, an activity. Before asking for an opinion, write in two lines what you like and why.

Then listen to some advice. The purpose is not to make yourself waterproof at every glance, but also to allow your voice to reach the conversation. If you publish, you can choose not to check the reactions immediately. If you don't publish, the moment you've lived keeps its value.

If this fatigue invades the days, isolates you or heavily affects the relationship with the body, looking for professional support can be a gesture of care. You don't have to wait to feel terrible to deserve to listen.

Finish your coffee before you ask for another verdict

A compliment can continue to please you. You don't have to be ashamed of that. You can, however, let it be a gift received, rather than a confirmation to be continually renewed.

Maybe today you'll pick out that bright lipstick. Or you'll go out without makeup. The interesting step will be to recognize a little more freedom: you are participating in your life, with a taste and presence that can find space even before the applause.