I’M CALLING JUST TO ASK HOW YOU ARE.
You open your contacts to ask for something. An address, a document, the name of that shop. Then you scroll a little further and find someone you have not spoken to for a while. You think you should call. Immediately you look for a better reason, as though asking how they are were not enough.
What if it were enough? A call can begin without an errand or important news. With the simple wish to listen, remember the next day what someone said and allow a relationship to have continuity.
For somebody spending many hours alone, that continuity can matter especially. We do not know who is waiting for a voice and who enjoys peace and quiet. To come genuinely close, we need to get to know, ask and respect. Good can begin when we stop assuming someone is fine simply because they ask us for nothing.
A network around people
The Community of Sant’Egidio's Viva gli Anziani! programme began in Rome in 2004, following the devastating experience of the 2003 heatwave. Official sources describe a service combating social isolation and creating networks alongside traditional assistance.
Its activities include regular monitoring, mainly by telephone, with home visits when needed. Attention concerns a person's circumstances and changes in their life. The project works through prevention and continuing closeness; it does not present itself as an emergency service.
There is a practical lesson here: noticing someone requires a relationship, not only an occasional intervention. An organisation prepares people and working methods. A friendly call in our own day can be inspired by that attention without claiming to replace its expertise.
Getting to know someone before helping
The neighbour you meet on the stairs has interests, preferences, things that make them laugh and others they cannot stand. They may want to discuss the past or yesterday's match. Being older does not turn every conversation into a collection of memories.
Ask how they like to be addressed, whether they enjoy hearing from you and which time is convenient. A kind gesture retains its value when it leaves room for refusal too. Living alone and feeling lonely are not always identical experiences.
The ability to offer something can move in both directions. An older person can listen to you, teach you a skill, make you laugh or participate in volunteering. A relationship grows when nobody remains pinned to the role of always needing something.
A call someone can rely on
A simple appointment you can keep is better than a beautiful promise destined to disappear. Agree on a time, call back when you cannot answer and let someone know when plans change. Trust also grows through this ordinary reliability.
During the conversation, keep other notifications away. Ask a question, wait for the reply, remember that somebody has an appointment or expects a visit. You do not need to fill every pause with advice: sometimes a story is still finding its way.
If needs arise beyond what you can offer, acknowledge this. Look together for appropriate support and respect what the person wishes to share. Do not promise assistance you cannot guarantee or collect sensitive information simply because you feel you must be useful.
If you want to do this within a project
Would you like to help? Ask Sant’Egidio about activities in your area and share the time you can offer. That first conversation can help you find where your presence is most useful.
Offering time within a network also means accepting guidance, preparation and continuity. Good intentions become more reliable when they meet what is actually required. If you cannot take on a regular commitment now, you can say so clearly.
Outside a project, you can still care for existing relationships. Say hello, ask whether help is welcome, pause a few minutes. The scenes here are everyday examples, not testimonies attributed to older people supported by Sant’Egidio.
Becoming a neighbour takes time
If a call is missed, pick up the thread without making the absence the other person's fault. Ask whether they would like to talk again, remember an unfinished topic, leave a greeting. Presence also shows in the ability to begin again discreetly.
In the Good Samaritan's story in Luke 10, closeness takes shape when somebody stops and cares. Connecting this with telephone calls is a reflection for our own lives: the Gospel questions the place we give the person we encounter.
Perhaps today you can return to that name in your contacts. Ask yourself whether a call would be welcome, find a time when you can truly listen and begin simply. You are not seeking something. You want to know how they are. Then let the answer, with its tone and pace, give shape to the encounter.
