JESUS, DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE ONE WHO DOES EVERYTHING?

Everybody's sitting down. You're still looking for a clean glass, checking the oven and answering a question that someone could solve on their own. They tell you to relax. The sentence, said just as you bring yet another thing to the table, doesn't help much.

Maybe you know this feeling even outside the kitchen. You're the one who keeps dating together, remembers birthdays, checks if something's missing, writes first when a person disappears. You'd love to, at least at the beginning. Then you find yourself tired and angry. And you feel guilty about that, too.

The Gospel of Martha and Mary enters a real home, with a guest and many things to do. But reading it as a race between the good sister and the wrong one would be a missed opportunity.

What really happens in Luke 10

In Luke 10,38–42, Marta welcomes Jesus. Mary sits at his feet and listens. Marta, taken from the services, asks Jesus to intervene to help her sister. He recalls his trouble and recognizes the value of the choice of Mary. The note CEI clarifies that the service is not condemned: the priority of listening to the Word is indicated.

Marta is not a caricature of the woman who complains. She's the host. Your service is valuable. The story, however, reveals a risk: being so absorbed by what you do for a person that you can no longer be with her.

In the Angelus of 17 July 2016, Francis emphasizes the presence of the guest and the need to listen to him. The reception concerns a person, not just the things to be arranged.

You weren't born to always be indispensable.

The Gospel is not a regulation on the division of household labor. It would be wrong to pretend that he answers alone to every problem in our home. We can, however, allow ourselves to be asked: what happens when our place in a relationship only coincides with what we guarantee others?

Sometimes no one explicitly asks us to do everything. We do this because we are faster, because it seems easier to avoid a discussion or because we fear that, by stopping, someone will be disappointed. At other times the load is really distributed unfairly and others have become accustomed to not seeing it.

The two situations can be intertwined. Looking at them sincerely helps more than a generic you have to learn to say no. What task can you share? What habit does a conversation require? What do you continue to do only so that you do not face a possible criticism?

Asking for cooperation so that it means something

A phrase like no one helps me express a real tiredness, but it can leave everything as it is. Trying to name tasks allows you to understand what needs to be changed: this week can you take care of booking and remembering that appointment? Not only do a commission when I point it out to you, but follow it from the beginning to the end.

Even at the table you can start recently: I prepare this, you appliances and systems later. The others could do it differently from you. If there is no concrete problem, leaving space includes tolerating that difference.

The answer will not always be available. When a reasonable request is systematically ignored, the problem deserves to be addressed for what it is. Christian patience does not automatically make an unfair distribution of responsibilities just.

Mary listens and its place counts

There is a detail that can speak to those who feel authorized only to be useful: Mary is listening Jesus. She also has a place as a disciple. His time to receive the Word is valuable.

In our lives this can become a concrete question: do you reserve the right to stop while you give a break only when everything is finished? If the answer is yes, that moment may never come. An inhabited house always produces a new dish, a new request, a new thing to fix.

You can agree a time to pray, read, attend Mass or just talk to those you love without doing anything else. It does not need to be turned into a solemn gesture. It must really exist and it must not always be the first deleted space.

Dinner can be simpler and the meeting more true

Maybe this week you'll be hosting someone. Before you decide five courses, try to ask yourself how you want to be with that person. You could choose something easy, ask to bring a plate, let the table be less perfect.

The most interesting change could be the time gained to listen to an entire answer. How are you really? What's happened to you these days? And then let you answer that.

Marta and Mary remain two sisters in a meeting with Jesus. Their story helps us to review our idea of welcome. Perhaps today's step is to sit down while the coffee is still warm and let someone bring it to you for once.