“SOMEONE’S MUM.” AND WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF YOU?
They introduce you as somebody’s mum. Or their wife, sister, the woman at work who always sorts everything out. It is true, of course. Yet while smiling you find yourself thinking: what about my name? The thing I am learning? The rest of my story?
Loving a relationship and wanting recognition beyond a role can belong to the same person. You need not choose between affection for your family and having something to say about yourself. Faith can enter this question gently too.
Mary as mother and disciple in the Gospel
In Luke 11:27–28, a woman in the crowd praises Jesus' mother by referring to the womb that carried him and the breasts that nursed him. Jesus replies by declaring blessed those who hear God’s word and keep it. These few lines deserve an unhurried reading.
John Paul II comments on them in Redemptoris Mater, paragraph 20: attention widens from biological relationship to the bonds formed in hearing the Word. Mary belongs within this blessing. Her divine motherhood and her faith do not exclude each other.
This is not a scene in which Jesus belittles his mother, and we should not use it to do so. It allows us to consider her as someone who believes, listens and lives in relationship with God. Mary’s motherhood is unique in Catholic faith; it should not become a template for measuring whether another woman’s life has succeeded.
When people know your role but rarely ask about you
The reflection that follows concerns our everyday lives. Perhaps you have cared for somebody so long that you introduce yourself only through their needs. You can explain appointments, schedules and paperwork perfectly. Asked what you yourself would like, you need a moment to find an answer.
This can happen to people without children too. Being the reliable one, the one supposedly free of family responsibilities, the person asked for the last favour. A role becomes narrow when others assume it describes your entire availability. You have a life even in the hours you have not filled with explanations.
You do not have to reject the people you love. Start with a sentence: this interests me; I cannot do that day; I would like to tell you what happened. It is not always easy. Some families listen quickly; others need to change long-established habits.
Personal faith does not arrive ready-made
Perhaps you are also the one who prays for everybody. People entrust intentions to you, ask you to light a candle and remember that you know how things work. That can be a tender expression of trust. It can also leave you alone with your own questions if nobody imagines you have any.
Mary as disciple reminds us that believing concerns a personal relationship. It means more than maintaining the family’s religious habits. You may need help understanding a passage, a conversation or a visit to church for yourself. You do not have to appear before God exclusively as everybody else’s spokesperson.
You can pray like this too: today I would like to talk about myself. Name a joy not yet shared, some tiredness or a decision. That is our suggestion for prayer, not a saying attributed to Mary. Your relationship with God can contain your own name and voice alongside the names of those you love.
Motherhood is not a ranking of women
Turning towards Mary does not authorise asking every woman when she will have a child. Nor measuring generosity by marriage, a particular vocation or the ability to hold everything together without assistance. Some histories contain unfulfilled wishes, bereavement or decisions we know nothing about.
We can respect motherhood while fully recognising the lives of women who are not mothers. We can support someone raising children and someone caring for an older parent, somebody living alone and somebody seeking a place of their own. Nobody owes intimate details to obtain respect in a family conversation or parish.
A different question can change the atmosphere: what has interested you lately? How are you finding this season? What would you like us to do together? What matters is leaving time for the answer rather than immediately returning everything to the role we know best.
Your name within your relationships
Next time you are introduced as someone’s mum, perhaps you will smile with pleasure. Another time you may want to add something. You can: this is my name, this is where I work, this is what I am learning. Relationships do not lose value when a person begins telling her own story again.
You can make this space for other people too. Remember the interest a friend mentioned before her life became full of responsibilities. Ask whether she still enjoys it, without turning her answer into another expectation. Notice when she wants to speak about something unrelated to the role you first knew her through.
At the table, the gesture can be simple: address a question directly to that person and wait for an answer. Leave time to choose what to share without completing the story for them. Relationships can grow when we learn something new about somebody we thought we already knew.
Looking at Mary as mother and disciple offers no invitation to compete with her. We encounter a woman living in relationship with God and others. Then we can return to our own day with a concrete question: is there someone I could ask about themselves today?
