CAN I ENJOY A BEAUTIFUL DAY WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY?

The night's going well. The food is good, a friend tells a funny thing and you laugh at it. Then you remember that person who's going through a hard time. You almost get it together: what right do I have to have fun while she's like this?

Thought can come during a party, a trip, a break in the sun. Sometimes you just need to realize that you've been fine for a few hours. As if the pain of someone we love asked to occupy our face without interruption.

Closeness needs real gestures. And a joy lived with respect does not automatically say that we have stopped loving. We can ask ourselves how to stay inside both things, without pretending it's always easy.

Look first what's really going on.

If there is an agreed care commitment, it should be taken seriously. If a person depends on you at that time and there is no one else, organizing an exit requires before finding a solution. The question concerns a concrete responsibility.

It's different when you did what you could, you agreed to a presence, or you know that person is assisted, yet every pleasant moment seems like a betrayal to you. In that case you can ask yourself what gesture is still missing and what, instead, is only the request to always feel sad.

Emotions don't work like a attendance log. You can be worried, live a cheerful moment and then come back to feel the worry. This movement does not make less true affection.

The feast also has a place in the faith

In the catechesis of 12 August 2015, Pope Francis speaks of the feast as part of family life and the value of shared time. It recalls the possibility of recognizing and celebrating good within daily occupations.

The Christian faith does not consider every pleasure to be a guilty distraction. Rest, gratitude and encounters can find a place in life, even when the context is not without difficulty.

This is not a promise that a nice dinner will solve tiredness or pain. It is an invitation not to delete automatically what feeds the relationships. Sometimes one afternoon, it reminds us that life still includes something to receive, as well as what we have to face.

Discretion can help more than giving up everything

You could choose to enjoy a moment without telling it immediately to those who, at that moment, would find it difficult to receive it. Not out of shame, but out of sensitivity. Not all news needs the same audience or the same moment.

If a friend is tried, you can ask yourself how to share a joy without asking her to reassure you or celebrate you on command. Maybe she'll be happy to hear it. Maybe that day won't have the energy. You can give her that freedom.

You can choose on social media too. Publish less doesn't automatically show more love; publishing a happy photo doesn't tell you everything you're experiencing. People deserve to be known beyond the portion of the day that appears on the screen.

Asking for permission to be happy can become another weight

Sometimes, to feel more calm, we seek a blessing from the person in difficulty: tell me that I can go, tell me that you don't take it. If the question becomes insistent, we risk entrusting you with the task of freeing us from our guilt.

You can clearly communicate the practical arrangements: there are this morning, in the afternoon I go out, tomorrow I accompany you. If needed, listen to a new need and consider how to respond. There is no need to obtain an emotional absolution before each personal moment.

There are complex family situations where borders require time and support. If guilt systematically prevents you from resting or having relationships, talking to a competent person can help you understand what is going on.

A nice moment can stay simple

You don't have to turn every pause into a strategy to become more efficient in helping. You can get the good of a walk, a lunch, a conversation for what it is.

You can thank God and keep in your heart the person you love. You can dedicate a prayer to her without interrupting any smile. You can decide to hear it at an agreed time, with the necessary attention, instead of constantly checking your phone to appease an indistinct fear.

The proximity is also recognized in the quality of the meetings. When you are there, try to really be there: listening, respecting silences, offering what is useful. Shared time may have more depth than an ever restless presence and never granted to itself.

When that thought comes, you can ask him a question.

Am I neglecting something concrete or am I reproaching myself for feeling joy? The answer may not come right away. You can look for it with sincerity, keeping the agreements, the needs and your limitations together.

If there is no abandoned responsibility, perhaps you can let that beautiful moment continue. Finish the coffee, listen to the story, accept a hug. Your affection may remain present even while life offers you a little opportunity for happiness.